She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
