we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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