Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
