Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
