but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
