Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
