Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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