***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize