I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
