Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
