Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
