haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
