just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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