The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
