I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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