I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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