Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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