How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
