and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
