I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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