and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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