Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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