this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
