you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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