I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
