i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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