Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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