May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
