Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
