Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
