man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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