im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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