Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
