Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
