my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
