Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
