I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
