I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
