If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's always time for handjobs
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
