I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize