a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
