p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
