We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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