Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
