Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
