Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
