I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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