Small penises have feelings too.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
