shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
