How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
