Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Couch. On fire.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
