at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
