Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
