I need help removing her.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
