Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
