Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just want nice things and good sex
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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