That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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